they agree to be present for the whole twenty minutes they
are going to talk
this isn't a timer discussion,
and
there is a commitment to wait, a nice long time
while listening to the other,
in case they have a little more to say
And you
are going to
sit
and be present
and wait for a question
a question that is important,
or a question that is fueled with curiosity
or a question
that is waiting in the room for one of you to discover
and
admit
admit to the room
admit to yourselves that it wants to be asked
"wants" to be asked
and as you wait,
be present
to yourself
in gravity
and
yourself in air,
breathing
be present to the other person
especially their eyes and their smile,
or not yet smile
( sooner or later, if you are telling the truth
and asking the truth
and
listening
a smile will come)
pay attention to the heart that is beating
inside your chest
and then ask your important question
always this way:
both of you are going to answer it.
So you don't ask:
"Do you love me?"
You ask, "How is your love for me going? What's easy about it, and what's hard?"
And then you both have to answer.
Slowly.
Searching.
Fumbling.
Admitting the other into your inner world
Admitting you don't know it all
And, as set up above:
Wait a long time, for them to find one or two or three more
aspects they might want to avoid in a certain way
Wait a long time in the silence when they are really done.
don't start till you've gotten quiet and heard what they had to say.
Then give your answer.
And,
if you want,
after that, what you can do, is take turns saying,
"What I got about you from what I heard you say, was..."
Or, you could put that before the second person answers the question.
It's not important.
Sharing what's deep is.
and
Whoever came up with the first question, the other person comes up with the next one.
