Two people, going present, then asking.....

Two people sit together

they agree to be present for the whole twenty minutes they
are going to talk

this isn't a timer discussion,
and
there is a commitment to wait, a nice long time
while listening to the other,
in case they have a little more to say

And you
are going to
sit

and be present

and wait for a question

a question that is important,

or a question that is fueled with curiosity

or a question
that is waiting in the room for one of you to discover
and
admit

admit to the room
admit to yourselves that it wants to be asked
"wants" to be asked

and as you wait,
be present
to yourself
in gravity
and
yourself in air,
breathing

be present to the other person
especially their eyes and their smile,
or not yet smile

( sooner or later, if you are telling the truth
and asking the truth
and
listening

a smile will come)

pay attention to the heart that is beating
inside your chest

and then ask your important question

always this way:

both of you are going to answer it.


So you don't ask:

"Do you love me?"

You ask, "How is your love for me going? What's easy about it, and what's hard?"

And then you both have to answer.

Slowly.

Searching.

Fumbling.

Admitting the other into your inner world

Admitting you don't know it all



And, as set up above:

Wait a long time, for them to find one or two or three more
aspects they might want to avoid in a certain way

Wait a long time in the silence when they are really done.

don't start till you've gotten quiet and heard what they had to say.

Then give your answer.


And,
if you want,
after that, what you can do, is take turns saying,
"What I got about you from what I heard you say, was..."

Or, you could put that before the second person answers the question.

It's not important.

Sharing what's deep is.

and

Whoever came up with the first question, the other person comes up with the next one.

Conditional Love, and Laughing at Ourselves

We can be serious about this
or
have a sense of humor

might as well laugh

at ourselves


admit it:

we do this:


I love you , soo, soo, much,
and
I'll love you even more if you........

that's a condition

that's a buy and sell deal

oh, well

we all do it

and the other side


I love you, but you are making it hard

and if you keep doing ......
I'm going to love you less,
or
take away my love
or
dislike you
or
hate you


notice what this really is:  BLACKMAIL

behave right,
and don't do ........

and then I won't pull out the possibilities of
loving less
taking away love
disliking
hating


go against my commandments, wishes, fears, demands,
call it what you will

but if you do ......

then wham
I'm going to do one of the four:
loving less
taking away love
disliking
hating

......
It's obvious,
but more part of the humor/ seriousness

that these reactions aren't exactly
calculated,
usually

they "just happen"

and the function is still the same:
blackmail

even worse, really,
because if "You can't help it,"
then your partner knows the hammer HAS
to fall if they misbehave

.....

this might appear to be a problem

and it is

and the work of Byron Katie is one
sterling way out of it

and

just ("just") waking up to it
and realizing our conditions,
can make a huge difference in beginning to set us free



good