Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Making Love and Talking to God, what a treat!!

a cashier at Whole Foods
was reading a book while waiting
for someone
to arrive

I thought is charming
and asked about the book

Hermetic philosophy

Lay a ;piece of wisdom on me, please
I asked

He thumbs through,
excited and a little on the spot

He says that everything is God
mumble, mumble

and that's plenty for me

I stick out my hand
"Let's shake."

He does.

"Hi, God. My name is God,
pleased to meet you."

It takes a moment,
then he lights up,
"Yeah that's it."

We chat a bit more and then when I leave
I say,
"So long , God."
he says,
"See ya, God."

A nice way to start the day, gentle
reader, aka

And you, in your love and sex before dinner, how about that as a way to see your partner before each time you speak. 

Or while you make love, make make out, make any of the other stuff, which I'm having a bit of trouble writing about. But it will come to me or not.

And meanwhile, you God, look upon your mate as God, and see what happens.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Deep listening, how to save your marriage

This is for when you really want to get to
the juice of the two of you

Give yourself about 40 minutes
get the timer

take 5 minute turns, and as the talking progresses
go up to 6 and 7 minutes

take your time

go slow

say the truth:
I don't know what to say
I want to impress you

this is what I heard you say
this is what I feel you feeling
this is what I guess you want
this is what I want

this is how I feel in my body when I talk
this is what this reminds me of

I wish you could see this about me

And any
anything that comes up

don't talk

eye contact
follow your breathing and the talker's
feel your heart
feel into their feelings

listen for what they are trying to say

notice your defenses,
notice what you want to jump in with

shut up

don't prepare what to say

don't work on remembering what they said

just listen,
look in the eyes
hear the tone
hear their heart
hear their body
hear their life


when the timer goes off
rest a little
both in silence
before the other talks

talk about what you feel in the present
talk about what you felt in your body when the other was talking
talk about what you feel in your body when you say "hard" things to say

admit this a lot:
"This is hard to say, and...."
then say it

be honored when your partner says hard stuff to say
that means they trust you

hear why it's hard
hear their courage





Tuesday, July 1, 2014

positivity resonance.... do it or die

I set out on June 2 to write a blog a day
of great use in the world I am interesting in helping people create

the world of

Love and Sex Before Dinner

If you go to that blog, you'll find a daily offering,
but somehow I don't feel like it's a coherent whole

And that's good

Failure is the path to success
and Happiness is one of the few indicators
that we are on the right path

And so today,
I'm going to start over in a way,

and see what a post every day in July will be like,
with a strict alternation between love and sex
which really means,
talk and touch

except that it's not really going to be that,
because it's going to be about freedom and happiness
and so

the rotation is going to be
talk and touch day
talk day
touch day

I reference you to this much of the interview in Sun Magazine,
to which I'd highly highly recommend that you all subscribe:


In that interview this is revealed from Frederickson's research:

“a lack of positivity resonance is, in fact, more damaging to your health than smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol excessively, or being obese.”

this is good news

IF we have positivity resonance in our lives

Which means:

small moments of pleasurable connection with another person,
in person

face to face

( not necessarily bodily pleasure, but more like a happy wish to smile and enjoyment of another's company)

And touch helps this.

Not sexual touch today,
just touch touch

And today's game is this:

in the framework of talking 3 minutes at a time,
with a timer

and not interrupting when the other is talking

and being present to your breathing and
to the reality
you are going to die
this other person is going to die
pay attention to yourself and them
your breathing and their breathing

then you talk for 3 minutes

each person has 3 turns

18 minutes

a couple that can do this can

a couple that doesn't
it won't be as wonderful
may well be a mess

and touch?

hold hands
while doing this

that's all


do this every day
for ten days
or email
how this went

email to the right