tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-92230307196716262672024-03-13T22:37:42.567-07:00Love and Sex Before DinnerTalk and Touch ...
<br>Before anything else ...
<br>Building and "Making" love, <br>one day at a time,
<br>30 minutes per daychris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-62977144495175728612014-07-08T09:56:00.000-07:002014-07-08T09:56:13.960-07:00Making Love and Talking to God, what a treat!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihjMV5WFAa7Bs57Z1cT6bnOiYBX1pWg63W_Ka8cmuMPDUx4Os6u9XValx7xQDDVBZAwdJf_6KmK6EqeMyCscjG60Kp1xw5F_NeaA7urhZvwf3C2sG_KP1WlcaCBbmU42Qbb6HBsEjle60/s1600/DSC00499.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihjMV5WFAa7Bs57Z1cT6bnOiYBX1pWg63W_Ka8cmuMPDUx4Os6u9XValx7xQDDVBZAwdJf_6KmK6EqeMyCscjG60Kp1xw5F_NeaA7urhZvwf3C2sG_KP1WlcaCBbmU42Qbb6HBsEjle60/s1600/DSC00499.JPG" height="380" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">a cashier at Whole Foods<br />
was reading a book while waiting<br />
for someone<br />
me<br />
to arrive<br />
<br />
I thought is charming<br />
and asked about the book<br />
<br />
Hermetic philosophy<br />
<br />
Lay a ;piece of wisdom on me, please<br />
I asked<br />
<br />
He thumbs through,<br />
excited and a little on the spot<br />
<br />
Here:<br />
He says that everything is God<br />
mumble, mumble<br />
<br />
and that's plenty for me<br />
<br />
I stick out my hand<br />
"Let's shake."<br />
<br />
He does.<br />
<br />
"Hi, God. My name is God,<br />
pleased to meet you."<br />
<br />
It takes a moment,<br />
then he lights up,<br />
"Yeah that's it."<br />
<br />
We chat a bit more and then when I leave<br />
I say,<br />
"So long , God."<br />
and<br />
he says,<br />
"See ya, God."<br />
<br />
A nice way to start the day, gentle<br />
reader, aka<br />
God.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And you, in your love and sex before dinner, how about that as a way to see your partner before each time you speak. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Or while you make love, make make out, make any of the other stuff, which I'm having a bit of trouble writing about. But it will come to me or not.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And meanwhile, you God, look upon your mate as God, and see what happens.</span>chris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-23343086602325501212014-07-02T20:28:00.002-07:002014-07-02T20:28:43.794-07:00Deep listening, how to save your marriage<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNLNnV7f1TANGnbxi5qZWIyDMvshnahS25HDY0W39TtkFPdl3AKsSP1qv78ErmILXN33P8XUcJ5dteYmOYEA_2Gbk2TFk-qjnOsAp9623KXfotizDpb69LJ0o4BTVKDMMN_0bqe76iKyI/s1600/DSCF2597.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNLNnV7f1TANGnbxi5qZWIyDMvshnahS25HDY0W39TtkFPdl3AKsSP1qv78ErmILXN33P8XUcJ5dteYmOYEA_2Gbk2TFk-qjnOsAp9623KXfotizDpb69LJ0o4BTVKDMMN_0bqe76iKyI/s1600/DSCF2597.JPG" height="360" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This is for when you really want to get to<br />
the juice of the two of you<br />
<br />
Give yourself about 40 minutes<br />
get the timer<br />
<br />
take 5 minute turns, and as the talking progresses<br />
go up to 6 and 7 minutes<br />
<br />
take your time<br />
really<br />
<br />
talker:<br />
go slow<br />
<br />
say the truth:<br />
I don't know what to say<br />
I want to impress you<br />
<br />
this is what I heard you say<br />
this is what I feel you feeling<br />
this is what I guess you want<br />
this is what I want<br />
<br />
this is how I feel in my body when I talk<br />
this is what this reminds me of<br />
<br />
I wish you could see this about me<br />
<br />
And any<br />
any<br />
anything that comes up<br />
<br />
<br />
Listener:<br />
don't talk<br />
<br />
eye contact<br />
follow your breathing and the talker's<br />
feel your heart<br />
feel into their feelings<br />
<br />
listen for what they are trying to say<br />
<br />
notice your defenses,<br />
notice what you want to jump in with<br />
<br />
shut up<br />
inside<br />
<br />
don't prepare what to say<br />
<br />
don't work on remembering what they said<br />
<br />
just listen,<br />
look in the eyes<br />
hear the tone<br />
hear their heart<br />
hear their body<br />
hear their life<br />
<br />
listen<br />
<br />
<br />
when the timer goes off<br />
rest a little<br />
both in silence<br />
before the other talks<br />
<br />
talk about what you feel in the present<br />
talk about what you felt in your body when the other was talking<br />
talk about what you feel in your body when you say "hard" things to say<br />
<br />
admit this a lot:<br />
"This is hard to say, and...."<br />
then say it<br />
<br />
listener:<br />
be honored when your partner says hard stuff to say<br />
that means they trust you<br />
<br />
hear why it's hard<br />
hear their courage<br />
<br />
listen<br />
<br />
listen<br />
<br />
listen<br />
</span>
.....<br />
<br />
goodchris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-61593578756224423982014-07-01T08:49:00.000-07:002014-07-01T08:49:06.886-07:00positivity resonance.... do it or die<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8cJa2Hxb-wv9w6tZJYiFNmQVu26WPSYif3YjI0Kw8_xZADPPsKy4mADcSH3GBwWPLVsa2pvP3YGzUNz-MoG3oSA2vvRgpTvW9-GCMHlBibm_PlkLNiqdid7jj4hTrkEzfTPuDIB_b5YM/s1600/DSCF2598.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8cJa2Hxb-wv9w6tZJYiFNmQVu26WPSYif3YjI0Kw8_xZADPPsKy4mADcSH3GBwWPLVsa2pvP3YGzUNz-MoG3oSA2vvRgpTvW9-GCMHlBibm_PlkLNiqdid7jj4hTrkEzfTPuDIB_b5YM/s1600/DSCF2598.JPG" height="360" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I set out on June 2 to write a blog a day<br />
of great use in the world I am interesting in helping people create<br />
<br />
the world of<br />
<br />
Love and Sex Before Dinner<br />
<br />
If you go to that <a href="http://loveandsexbeforedinner.blogspot.com/">blog</a>, you'll find a daily offering,<br />
but somehow I don't feel like it's a coherent whole<br />
<br />
And that's good<br />
<br />
Failure is the path to success<br />
and Happiness is one of the few indicators<br />
that we are on the right path<br />
<br />
And so today,<br />
I'm going to start over in a way,<br />
<br />
and see what a post every day in July will be like,<br />
with a strict alternation between love and sex<br />
which really means,<br />
talk and touch<br />
<br />
except that it's not really going to be that,<br />
because it's going to be about freedom and happiness<br />
and so<br />
<br />
the rotation is going to be<br />
a<br />
talk and touch day<br />
a<br />
talk day<br />
and<br />
a<br />
touch day<br />
<br />
I reference you to this much of the interview in Sun Magazine,<br />
to which I'd highly highly recommend that you all subscribe:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://thesunmagazine.org/issues/463/the_one_youre_with">INTERVIEW WITH BARBARA FREDERICKSON</a><br />
<a href="http://thesunmagazine.org/issues/463/the_one_youre_with">ON LOVE AS DAILY SMALL AND REAL DOSES OF</a><br />
<a href="http://thesunmagazine.org/issues/463/the_one_youre_with">POSITIVE CONNECTION</a><br />
<br />
In that interview this is revealed from Frederickson's research:<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">“a lack of positivity resonance is, in fact, more damaging to your health than smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol excessively, or being obese.”</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
this is good news<br />
<br />
IF we have positivity resonance in our lives<br />
<br />
Which means:<br />
<br />
small moments of pleasurable connection with another person,<br />
in person<br />
<br />
face to face<br />
<br />
( not necessarily bodily pleasure, but more like a happy wish to smile and enjoyment of another's company)<br />
<br />
And touch helps this.<br />
<br />
Not sexual touch today,<br />
just touch touch<br />
<br />
And today's game is this:<br />
<br />
<br />
in the framework of talking 3 minutes at a time,<br />
with a timer<br />
<br />
and not interrupting when the other is talking<br />
<br />
and being present to your breathing and<br />
to the reality<br />
that<br />
you are going to die<br />
and<br />
this other person is going to die<br />
pay attention to yourself and them<br />
and<br />
your breathing and their breathing<br />
<br />
and<br />
then you talk for 3 minutes<br />
<br />
each person has 3 turns<br />
<br />
18 minutes<br />
<br />
a couple that can do this can<br />
thrive<br />
<br />
a couple that doesn't<br />
ah,<br />
it won't be as wonderful<br />
and<br />
may well be a mess<br />
<br />
<br />
and touch?<br />
<br />
hold hands<br />
while doing this<br />
<br />
that's all<br />
<br />
and....<br />
<br />
do this every day<br />
for ten days<br />
</span>
comment,<br />
or email<br />
how this went<br />
<br />
email to the right<br />
<br />
<br />
cheers,<br />
chrsichris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-39809731951043402822014-06-30T19:58:00.000-07:002014-06-30T19:58:00.837-07:00touch or starve<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHuzICkRpvT2GC24zRj4ikoOOUh13nR55035fERkglnn3XmngXVnIbrzpXIbV2Lxz__vichJ_eDLEguvT6UPhOZv3Y8DU50GjWjXh5kC3wWVroYK4MnP7UMX5NHr03JTCVfeSPgiCPp7w/s1600/DSCF0112.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHuzICkRpvT2GC24zRj4ikoOOUh13nR55035fERkglnn3XmngXVnIbrzpXIbV2Lxz__vichJ_eDLEguvT6UPhOZv3Y8DU50GjWjXh5kC3wWVroYK4MnP7UMX5NHr03JTCVfeSPgiCPp7w/s1600/DSCF0112.JPG" height="380" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Can you have a good marriage<br />
and not<br />
like touching your partner?'<br />
<br />
This seems like<br />
code blue<br />
to me.<br />
<br />
This is a place where<br />
you could and should do daily<br />
work<br />
to get<br />
the warmth<br />
and miracle that comes<br />
from touch<br />
<br />
back<br />
into your life<br />
and nervous system<br />
<br />
without it....<br />
<br />
<br />
you are going to starve</span>chris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-61198412724397514182014-06-29T07:14:00.000-07:002014-06-29T07:14:08.183-07:00feet<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirPOa1VqavdrRtH0u_Agjh94Ikdo7JF-ykwkyyFg62TzHBdbTV7SkskCJHuz2E65L2s3Cx4qXrUWKLHuCjmTb4MDgutUgA8CE9Q6_F7DnntjADxVV8p50piCvuuFQiTKlPasT422wb1bw/s1600/IMG_2670.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirPOa1VqavdrRtH0u_Agjh94Ikdo7JF-ykwkyyFg62TzHBdbTV7SkskCJHuz2E65L2s3Cx4qXrUWKLHuCjmTb4MDgutUgA8CE9Q6_F7DnntjADxVV8p50piCvuuFQiTKlPasT422wb1bw/s1600/IMG_2670.JPG" height="380" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">our feet are as far from our heads as we can get<br />
<br />
many a person, perhaps even you, has realized that<br />
being in our heads<br />
think think think<br />
<br />
is a way that often avoids life, love and connection<br />
<br />
( yeah, yeah, there are problems<br />
to be solved<br />
<br />
good<br />
when they are there to be solved<br />
think<br />
<br />
and then....<br />
<br />
what about the rest of the time)<br />
<br />
so<br />
here's a game for today<br />
<br />
<br />
put your attention as full<br />
time<br />
as possible<br />
<br />
on sensing both feet<br />
<br />
while you read this<br />
while you do the next thing<br />
while you talk<br />
while you think<br />
<br />
and especially<br />
when you are interacting with your partner<br />
<br />
in your half hour of love and sex before dinner<br />
<br />
in the talking<br />
in the ten minute naked makeout<br />
in sex that is two way<br />
in sex that is one way<br />
<br />
in all of these<br />
attempt<br />
<br />
with joy and humor<br />
and<br />
intent<br />
<br />
to have attention<br />
on three places:<br />
<br />
your feet<br />
your heart<br />
your breathing<br />
<br />
if sex is involved,<br />
then my all means enjoy your genitals<br />
and mouths<br />
and tongues<br />
<br />
oh, yeah:<br />
<br />
and look into each other's eyes<br />
in all the activities<br />
except the one way sex<br />
<br />
<br />
ha, what a nice<br />
assignment<br />
<br />
but<br />
don't forget<br />
<br />
dive in<br />
feet first</span>chris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-23449771188212568322014-06-27T08:11:00.001-07:002014-06-27T08:11:21.396-07:00Waking up, F,,, ing, Happiness, Positivity Resonance, part one<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFdy22Wge1J0t9jwgaHbOMNmQGZDq6souJ5BFIeRxMRUGcyGSDhODMosFfFYTufyg34Pu4AaRt0iDF1qQjxYO3nW9rawf2M84FbF4Cba2RkrQ7UKZR6AB1P_np-dWwmRABlUiumA9TiLw/s1600/IMG_4289.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFdy22Wge1J0t9jwgaHbOMNmQGZDq6souJ5BFIeRxMRUGcyGSDhODMosFfFYTufyg34Pu4AaRt0iDF1qQjxYO3nW9rawf2M84FbF4Cba2RkrQ7UKZR6AB1P_np-dWwmRABlUiumA9TiLw/s1600/IMG_4289.JPG" height="600" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Sex is good<br />
<br />
Misused<br />
almost always<br />
<br />
and sex<br />
is<br />
good<br />
<br />
<br />
it's good for touch<br />
it's goof for giving and getting at the same time<br />
<br />
it's good for shutting down the mind,<br />
usually<br />
<br />
<br />
it's good for realizing<br />
that we aren't alone,<br />
usually<br />
<br />
it's good for<br />
giving<br />
<br />
for giving<br />
<br />
forgiving<br />
<br />
and it's a mess<br />
<br />
<br />
it creates a pleasure that is rare<br />
because almost all the rest of life<br />
is lived<br />
out of<br />
the present<br />
<br />
out of<br />
love<br />
with the moment<br />
<br />
out of sensing<br />
and<br />
touching<br />
and<br />
paying attention<br />
and<br />
connecting<br />
<br />
<br />
so,<br />
that's the wake the f..... up<br />
<br />
how can we<br />
sense full time<br />
<br />
touch a lot with all the boundary stuff<br />
and still:<br />
<br />
everyone is dying for hugs and even hand holding<br />
<br />
paying attention:<br />
<br />
positive attention<br />
<br />
how many people<br />
can we be around<br />
<br />
and like<br />
and let them know<br />
<br />
verbally<br />
and<br />
non verbally<br />
<br />
that we like them<br />
<br />
( I know this sad, sad community,<br />
supposedly into improving love,<br />
that is obsessed with fear<br />
and with giving "adjustments" to each<br />
other<br />
<br />
alas,<br />
<br />
they give themselves so much extra work,<br />
<br />
even though they have a non drug drug<br />
to alleviate the pain<br />
they are constantly encouraging)<br />
<br />
<br />
no,<br />
f..... to wake up<br />
<br />
like this:<br />
<br />
have good sex<br />
<br />
then have a great talk<br />
<br />
about the simple joys of life<br />
<br />
what you like<br />
<br />
in that moment<br />
<br />
not what you liked in the sex<br />
<br />
that is over<br />
<br />
what you like<br />
now<br />
<br />
<br />
this now<br />
<br />
....<br />
<br />
really<br />
this one<br />
<br />
if you are in a room with another person,<br />
go tell them something you like<br />
about them<br />
and that you like about being alive<br />
<br />
and that you like about yourself<br />
<br />
<br />
.....<br />
</b></span><span style="color: purple;"><b>
see July, <a href="http://sunmagazine.org/">http://sunmagazine.org</a>,</b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b>it's not online yet, but subscribe,</b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b>you won't regret it,</b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b>and the interview this month is amazing.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b>on "positivity resonance"</b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><b>which is the best food for health and happiness</b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><b>it's love</b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b>in little chunks</b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><b>as often as possible,</b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><b>you'll see,</b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b>read it, this interview,</b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b>then read it again,</b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><b>i'll be blogging about it for a couple of weeks</b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><b>and,</b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b>get the print edition , too</b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><b>no ads</b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b>beautiful black and white photos</b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><b>really</b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><b>go for it</b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><b>now</b></span>chris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-4862919994794967032014-06-26T10:19:00.002-07:002014-06-26T10:19:48.928-07:00Two people, going present, then asking.....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5V-30A04__zwfV0CeL8TKhya7yb0jsfhKbvsca__8CN5m74edaEvmsXR0_WTLJ2ccXkbrkB7ELPiIxrj-14MqgcJUIMBNUHMV7b9E0HSDpgMruP8PAlTqNuhF9L9bXeShJ_HMtnSaNSA/s1600/IMG_2722.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5V-30A04__zwfV0CeL8TKhya7yb0jsfhKbvsca__8CN5m74edaEvmsXR0_WTLJ2ccXkbrkB7ELPiIxrj-14MqgcJUIMBNUHMV7b9E0HSDpgMruP8PAlTqNuhF9L9bXeShJ_HMtnSaNSA/s1600/IMG_2722.JPG" height="380" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Two people sit together<br />
<br />
they agree to be present for the whole twenty minutes they<br />
are going to talk<br />
<br />
this isn't a timer discussion,<br />
and<br />
there is a commitment to wait, a nice long time<br />
while listening to the other,<br />
in case they have a little more to say<br />
<br />
And you<br />
are going to<br />
sit<br />
<br />
and be present<br />
<br />
and wait for a question<br />
<br />
a question that is important,<br />
<br />
or a question that is fueled with curiosity<br />
<br />
or a question<br />
that is waiting in the room for one of you to discover<br />
and<br />
admit<br />
<br />
admit to the room<br />
admit to yourselves that it wants to be asked<br />
"wants" to be asked<br />
<br />
and as you wait,<br />
be present<br />
to yourself<br />
in gravity<br />
and<br />
yourself in air,<br />
breathing<br />
<br />
be present to the other person<br />
especially their eyes and their smile,<br />
or not yet smile<br />
<br />
( sooner or later, if you are telling the truth<br />
and asking the truth<br />
and<br />
listening<br />
<br />
a smile will come)<br />
<br />
pay attention to the heart that is beating<br />
inside your chest<br />
<br />
and then ask your important question<br />
<br />
always this way:<br />
<br />
both of you are going to answer it.<br />
<br />
<br />
So you don't ask:<br />
<br />
"Do you love me?"<br />
<br />
You ask, "How is your love for me going? What's easy about it, and what's hard?"<br />
<br />
And then you both have to answer.<br />
<br />
Slowly.<br />
<br />
Searching.<br />
<br />
Fumbling.<br />
<br />
Admitting the other into your inner world<br />
<br />
Admitting you don't know it all<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
And, as set up above:<br />
<br />
Wait a long time, for them to find one or two or three more<br />
aspects they might want to avoid in a certain way<br />
<br />
Wait a long time in the silence when they are really done.<br />
<br />
don't start till you've gotten quiet and heard what they had to say.<br />
<br />
Then give your answer.<br />
<br />
<br />
And,<br />
if you want,<br />
after that, what you can do, is take turns saying,<br />
"What I got about you from what I heard you say, was..."<br />
<br />
Or, you could put that before the second person answers the question.<br />
<br />
It's not important.<br />
<br />
Sharing what's deep is.<br />
<br />
and<br />
<br />
Whoever came up with the first question, the other person comes up with the next one.</span>chris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-41023943676862828332014-06-25T08:39:00.000-07:002014-06-25T08:39:14.358-07:00Conditional Love, and Laughing at Ourselves<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWQCXDcN40O85iBS9jSeJhFLAOGiZRahym0k8GdoWJY9ukaJpnzbqAR0AxBvCb5ApRSDyEwdBJgOioHC4wkuXG3ce5w5aGQMaIqmIQoIbI6iaa7FGRU79EMFc_DBPxeNr38G1ojvyANow/s1600/IMG_2910.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWQCXDcN40O85iBS9jSeJhFLAOGiZRahym0k8GdoWJY9ukaJpnzbqAR0AxBvCb5ApRSDyEwdBJgOioHC4wkuXG3ce5w5aGQMaIqmIQoIbI6iaa7FGRU79EMFc_DBPxeNr38G1ojvyANow/s1600/IMG_2910.JPG" height="380" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We can be serious about this<br />
or<br />
have a sense of humor<br />
<br />
might as well laugh<br />
<br />
at ourselves<br />
<br />
<br />
admit it:<br />
<br />
we do this:<br />
<br />
<br />
I love you , soo, soo, much,<br />
and<br />
I'll love you even more if you........<br />
<br />
that's a condition<br />
<br />
that's a buy and sell deal<br />
<br />
oh, well<br />
<br />
we all do it<br />
<br />
and the other side<br />
<br />
<br />
I love you, but you are making it hard<br />
<br />
and if you keep doing ......<br />
I'm going to love you less,<br />
or<br />
take away my love<br />
or<br />
dislike you<br />
or<br />
hate you<br />
<br />
<br />
notice what this really is: BLACKMAIL<br />
<br />
behave right,<br />
and don't do ........<br />
<br />
and then I won't pull out the possibilities of<br />
loving less<br />
taking away love<br />
disliking<br />
hating<br />
<br />
<br />
go against my commandments, wishes, fears, demands,<br />
call it what you will<br />
<br />
but if you do ......<br />
<br />
then wham<br />
I'm going to do one of the four:<br />
loving less<br />
taking away love<br />
disliking<br />
hating<br />
<br />
......<br />
It's obvious,<br />
but more part of the humor/ seriousness<br />
<br />
that these reactions aren't exactly<br />
calculated,<br />
usually<br />
<br />
they "just happen"<br />
<br />
and the function is still the same:<br />
blackmail<br />
<br />
even worse, really,<br />
because if "You can't help it,"<br />
then your partner knows the hammer HAS<br />
to fall if they misbehave<br />
<br />
.....<br />
<br />
this might appear to be a problem<br />
<br />
and it is<br />
<br />
and the work of Byron Katie is one<br />
sterling way out of it<br />
<br />
and<br />
<br />
just ("just") waking up to it<br />
and realizing our conditions,<br />
can make a huge difference in beginning to set us free</span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
goodchris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-81402632512660214792014-06-24T12:43:00.003-07:002014-06-24T12:43:42.626-07:00Love the yuk, .....really?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwhA4YE68NHJjKfAzck5-vXeZY6h2QOexb9aF7GLy60AIMwco1WjM8Bg5daXsSY3MPO_0zjifk5aQg4a0hl7Q6geJjS8OFKqSk72M1cdwv2BcPSb5VELLeXXVCPb0J_yNYdlzBzUohTPM/s1600/DSCF0132.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwhA4YE68NHJjKfAzck5-vXeZY6h2QOexb9aF7GLy60AIMwco1WjM8Bg5daXsSY3MPO_0zjifk5aQg4a0hl7Q6geJjS8OFKqSk72M1cdwv2BcPSb5VELLeXXVCPb0J_yNYdlzBzUohTPM/s1600/DSCF0132.JPG" height="380" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Love is<br />
either unconditional<br />
<br />
or<br />
<br />
it<br />
isn't love</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>..</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>beginning practice:</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>( that will take you all your life)</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>find three things you "don't like"</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>in your partner</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>or good friend</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>or the best you can do</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>for a good friend</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>and then</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>figure out how</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>to love</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>them</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>for that,</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>for the awful thing,</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>not loving the "good" side,</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>but the shit side</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>love</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>yuk,</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>but,</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>you know,</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>unconditional means....</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>not accept them</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>not let them slide</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>not put up with them</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>but</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>love them<br />
<br />
</b></span>
...<br />
more tomorrowchris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-24499932709169342002014-06-23T08:04:00.000-07:002014-06-23T08:16:25.780-07:00Happiness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2bwpOmrNhYQjXfDihXWEfFo1NXkNm-PPquWRUutmMaqbnd7W_YLHC3ZoQj3D33yEazow_uBIDE5nyUy3WZQGmiziNl1sgU24txpPGg2yZMdxpu9dfafMx_g9YG2zFDb2AKprfnni_jYc/s1600/DSCF2589.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2bwpOmrNhYQjXfDihXWEfFo1NXkNm-PPquWRUutmMaqbnd7W_YLHC3ZoQj3D33yEazow_uBIDE5nyUy3WZQGmiziNl1sgU24txpPGg2yZMdxpu9dfafMx_g9YG2zFDb2AKprfnni_jYc/s1600/DSCF2589.JPG" height="380" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>This is going to be another teaser blog<br />
<br />
And the tease is a big one<br />
<br />
And without it,<br />
<br />
We are sunk in life<br />
<br />
<br />
Here's the tease:<br />
<br />
<br />
Sometimes we don't get what we want in life<br />
<br />
Things don't go our way<br />
<br />
Things go to shit<br />
<br />
People seem annoying, or downright antagonistic<br />
<br />
<br />
and here's the game<br />
<br />
the big<br />
game<br />
<br />
<br />
How to like, enjoy and even LOVE it when that happens?<br />
<br />
<br />
And I'm not going to give all the answer,<br />
<br />
but only a few hints:<br />
<br />
<br />
When we aren't mindful,<br />
we aren't free<br />
<br />
When other people aren't mindful,<br />
they aren't free<br />
<br />
Unfree people<br />
do what their programming tells them to do<br />
<br />
<br />
Many , many people<br />
( maybe even wonderful you and I)<br />
<br />
have two or more levels of programming<br />
<br />
One,<br />
the get along "pretty good/ pretty well"<br />
when there is no stress<br />
<br />
Two:<br />
go into ?????<br />
when their is stress<br />
<br />
<br />
remember the awful/ awesome truth:<br />
<br />
we are either mindful<br />
<br />
or mindless<br />
<br />
and<br />
<br />
therefore,<br />
( the logic is airtight,<br />
and the emotional effects<br />
are often ruinous for whole lives)<br />
<br />
when we go to mindless under stress,<br />
<br />
what is the program we fall back on?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
ah,<br />
that's a big hint<br />
</b></span>
chew it slowly<br />
<br />chris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-46843030975253129022014-06-22T14:49:00.002-07:002014-06-22T15:40:01.141-07:00Complaining as "love making"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgClmEUCsh8uSrMCidbWy0-iua9KJGGZUH4HDaYayS79w-f4vghGYfliWA8Jan8AT2ZYRa0zXoIwTIotqJhC2T46qBvlLLPqGW9iR4_kyBU2Z2D0pf3_96xra3w6aTbB4zZQoxSuE0LJS8/s1600/IMG_0110_2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgClmEUCsh8uSrMCidbWy0-iua9KJGGZUH4HDaYayS79w-f4vghGYfliWA8Jan8AT2ZYRa0zXoIwTIotqJhC2T46qBvlLLPqGW9iR4_kyBU2Z2D0pf3_96xra3w6aTbB4zZQoxSuE0LJS8/s1600/IMG_0110_2.JPG" height="600" width="420" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Complaining as "love making"</b></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span>
<br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That's a trick title</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span>
<br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span>
<br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and not really</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">it's not really a trick,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">because without alchemy,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">life is prison,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">is hell:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">the old way of complaining </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">is hell</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">is prison</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and never turns into Love making, except make up sex,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">which isn't love,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">it's froth</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">but,here,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">let's discover some magic</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">( why else be in a relationship?)</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
we just need to turn the world on its head</div>
<div>
and</div>
<div>
that's what we always need to do</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
if we are to be </div>
<div>
awake</div>
<div>
and </div>
<div>
happy</div>
<div>
and</div>
<div>
effective</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
and what other kind of life would you want to lead?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
so:</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
you got a complaint<br />
<br />
we have this ongoing series:<br />
<br />
Love and Sex before dinner<br />
which has<br />
10 minutes of some sort of touch connection<br />
and 18 minutes of back and forth communication,<br />
3 non interrupted minutes per turn, 3 turns each<br />
<br />
so,<br />
you have a complaint,<br />
and it's your turn to talk....<br />
<br />
ta da</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
you have three minutes to tell it to your sweetheart</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
here's some pointers:</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
be present and remember:</div>
<div>
this is the person you love</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
remember:</div>
<div>
what you think they are doing wrong,</div>
<div>
you are too</div>
<div>
<br />
so</div>
<div>
try to say how you do it, too</div>
<div>
when you say how they do it<br />
( you don't listen, I don't listen; you get angry, I get angry at your getting angry; you take me for granted, I take you for granted..... search, it doesn't have to be an equal amount)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
remember , three:</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
beneath all complaints is a desire</div>
<div>
which means,<br />
beneath all complaints could be a request</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
suggestion<br />
(just in case you want to "make" love)<br />
make the request</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
so:</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I feel so punk when you are too busy for me</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Ah, I love you</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Ah, there are times when I get too busy for you</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Ah, I'd like to make sure we spend more time together..<br />
Can we talk later about some extra times we can spend together?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Now....</div>
<div>
this half hour before dinner, Love and Sex before dinner<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
is</div>
<div>
the MINIMUM</div>
<div>
to have sweetness</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
how can you get more out of it?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
do it more</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
but only for the love and fun</div>
<div>
of it</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
and the joy of waking up as a partnership in enlightenment</div>
</span>chris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-44844936509731766102014-06-21T07:34:00.000-07:002014-06-21T07:34:18.616-07:00love "making"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM3XeNdHSNPlbAOoY4NV-k_x05kfL2S6WFzYyAU8UW4blsM4qIAYRJiHxwTdM8lJCn0-9OXkx-IEP4eb5j7DQ63i0oOaDg19pm-3hyie1_wROZ1Hp4YWuDw0Q_ZJZ3z31DuIozRZfT6VI/s1600/DSCF1647.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM3XeNdHSNPlbAOoY4NV-k_x05kfL2S6WFzYyAU8UW4blsM4qIAYRJiHxwTdM8lJCn0-9OXkx-IEP4eb5j7DQ63i0oOaDg19pm-3hyie1_wROZ1Hp4YWuDw0Q_ZJZ3z31DuIozRZfT6VI/s1600/DSCF1647.JPG" height="380" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I like the term love making<br />
<br />
love is worth<br />
making<br />
<br />
making better<br />
<br />
making more conscious<br />
<br />
making more communicative<br />
<br />
<br />
what if every communication<br />
were a<br />
chance<br />
to<br />
"make"<br />
<br />
love more real<br />
<br />
what if the various thrashings around<br />
under the sheets<br />
were<br />
slowed<br />
slowed<br />
slowed<br />
<br />
way down<br />
<br />
and the big huff and puff to climax<br />
were sidestepped<br />
<br />
and in<br />
the slow<br />
slow<br />
slow<br />
<br />
the making<br />
of the WE<br />
that baby of US<br />
<br />
were what was important?<br />
<br />
wouldn't that be a worthwhile way<br />
to waste time<br />
in the flesh<br />
<br />
or in<br />
the talk<br />
<br />
or in<br />
the silence<br />
of non talk<br />
not touch<br />
<br />
but together<br />
<br />
making....<br />
<br />
what?<br />
<br />
ah, discovery<br />
<br />
</span>
<br />
goodchris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-35194102654055470932014-06-20T14:50:00.000-07:002014-06-23T07:44:01.131-07:00Awake in talk, in touch, in makeout, in ...., all of you<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwhA4YE68NHJjKfAzck5-vXeZY6h2QOexb9aF7GLy60AIMwco1WjM8Bg5daXsSY3MPO_0zjifk5aQg4a0hl7Q6geJjS8OFKqSk72M1cdwv2BcPSb5VELLeXXVCPb0J_yNYdlzBzUohTPM/s1600/DSCF0132.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwhA4YE68NHJjKfAzck5-vXeZY6h2QOexb9aF7GLy60AIMwco1WjM8Bg5daXsSY3MPO_0zjifk5aQg4a0hl7Q6geJjS8OFKqSk72M1cdwv2BcPSb5VELLeXXVCPb0J_yNYdlzBzUohTPM/s1600/DSCF0132.JPG" height="380" width="500" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5zWidCUYBPphoVNUOhu_uoNxq_xSPQjmYrZjNyAL7UcURuwXx4rB1hbP53oUSIXrMp4vIxJmrI91iCHoysnkojgz8tAzZugd-DvtnAhJn9dTOafqlY4oECvrNFAsSuFsxSKThmz8-CXU/s1600/IMG_2680.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5zWidCUYBPphoVNUOhu_uoNxq_xSPQjmYrZjNyAL7UcURuwXx4rB1hbP53oUSIXrMp4vIxJmrI91iCHoysnkojgz8tAzZugd-DvtnAhJn9dTOafqlY4oECvrNFAsSuFsxSKThmz8-CXU/s1600/IMG_2680.JPG" height="380" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>slow down<br />
connect deeply<br />
wake up<br />
discover love<br />
<br />
awake you don't have to rush<br />
<br />
you talk<br />
and then your partner talks<br />
<br />
the goal<br />
be present while you talk<br />
be present while you listen<br />
<br />
then<br />
ten minutes of sex<br />
<br />
ten minutes in which<br />
not to hurry<br />
not to have any climax<br />
<br />
just to get touching<br />
and the juices flowing<br />
<br />
make out:<br />
naked<br />
<br />
lots of touch<br />
<br />
cock sucking,<br />
slow,<br />
no effort to climax<br />
<br />
guy: relax,<br />
let it be overwhelming<br />
don't help<br />
relax<br />
<br />
woman:<br />
go slow<br />
sense it all<br />
<br />
don't try to get any werhe<br />
<br />
<br />
clitoris stroking<br />
<br />
sit so you can see easily<br />
lubricate<br />
go slowly<br />
stay on the clitoris<br />
<br />
don't try to get her off<br />
<br />
woman:<br />
don't mov<br />
don't help<br />
<br />
just feel<br />
just sense<br />
<br />
both of you:<br />
stay in the moment<br />
<br />
ten minutes of touch<br />
<br />
twenty minutes of talk<br />
<br />
walk up<br />
<br />
love without waking will always turn<br />
to a mess<br />
<br />
( messes aren't bad,<br />
but this half hour is for waking up,<br />
not making more of messes<br />
<br />
plenty of them in life)<br />
<br />
slow<br />
slower<br />
slowly<br />
<br />
sense your body<br />
sense your relationship to gravity<br />
follow your body<br />
<br />
wake up<br />
</b></span>
goodchris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-64849044316132016932014-06-19T06:22:00.002-07:002014-06-19T06:22:53.966-07:00ForgivenessForgiveness,
before
after
and during dinner
eat this food
and
you will
have eternal life
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8cJa2Hxb-wv9w6tZJYiFNmQVu26WPSYif3YjI0Kw8_xZADPPsKy4mADcSH3GBwWPLVsa2pvP3YGzUNz-MoG3oSA2vvRgpTvW9-GCMHlBibm_PlkLNiqdid7jj4hTrkEzfTPuDIB_b5YM/s1600/DSCF2598.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8cJa2Hxb-wv9w6tZJYiFNmQVu26WPSYif3YjI0Kw8_xZADPPsKy4mADcSH3GBwWPLVsa2pvP3YGzUNz-MoG3oSA2vvRgpTvW9-GCMHlBibm_PlkLNiqdid7jj4hTrkEzfTPuDIB_b5YM/s1600/DSCF2598.JPG" height="380" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm having a delightful interaction with an occasionally cranky person<br />
whom I adore<br />
<br />
who is in the throes of<br />
"Can I forgive?"<br />
<br />
in that old awful way,<br />
as if forgiveness is wearing a hair shirt,<br />
or swallowing toxic waste<br />
or at the very least<br />
sitting through a bad movie for hours and hours<br />
<br />
ah,<br />
and this sweet person was once a heavy duty Christian<br />
and these poor folks<br />
for reasons that are both sad and delightful<br />
have often the hardest time forgiving<br />
<br />
( and I did hear this in a church, by a straight ahead<br />
boring believer:<br />
"Not forgiving is like swallowing rat poison<br />
and<br />
hoping the other person will die."<br />
<br />
Which is s beginning of the higher level of<br />
forgiving,<br />
<br />
but not the end)<br />
<br />
And you,<br />
gentle reader,<br />
are<br />
A. going to have to forgive me<br />
for jumping around and packing<br />
so many angles and concepts into a short<br />
poem/ ramble / essay<br />
<br />
B. Wake up<br />
and really feel and think your way through<br />
this,<br />
since it's is perhaps the number one source<br />
of human suffering,<br />
this holding on to our woundedness<br />
<br />
,,,,,,,
Okay<br />
forgiveness<br />
<br />
let's just make this the starter ramble and posit three levels<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
One:<br />
the forgiveness of the righteous,<br />
the believers<br />
the goody goodies<br />
<br />
this is on the<br />
holding one's nose<br />
and saying<br />
"Well, you are stinky,<br />
but I will hold my nose,<br />
and so-called forgive you for being<br />
so stinky<br />
because I am so much better than you<br />
and it's so good for my image of<br />
being so much better than you<br />
to say the words,<br />
'I forgive you,'<br />
all the while letting you know<br />
that I am vastly superior to you,<br />
you bad, bad stinky inferior sinner whom I so graciously,<br />
forgive,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">so I can look good to myself, and those around me, and get</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">points in pretend heaven."<br />
<br />
<br />
Two:<br />
The sliding it off, half ass "acceptance."<br />
<br />
Me here Chris Elms could go on some fun<br />
rants about all this<br />
"It's all good,"<br />
Buddhist-ish<br />
"acceptance"<br />
<br />
which is better than the stinky cheese clothes pin nose<br />
model,<br />
<br />
but is<br />
like</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">a disconnected feeling,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">an</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
I'm indifferent,<br />
<br />
I'm separate<br />
<br />
I'm not going to let it get to me.<br />
<br />
<br />
This has some of the very very true<br />
selfish enlightenment of the above rat poison model<br />
<br />which knows,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">sometimes with blinding clarity,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">that</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">when you fight what is already over,<br />
hell,<br />
once you think it through,<br />
you know you're always going to lose<br />
<br />
so chill<br />
accept<br />
<br />
let it go, man,<br />
it's all good<br />
<br />(bleeek---- my comment)<br />
<br />
and three:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">third level forgiveness,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">not just giving the other person a break,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">though that's a superb start,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">but giving them a delighted break</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">a congratulatory break</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">really?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
delight?<br />
<br />
really</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">this is crazy, this level,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">and strange,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">because we are so used to being slaves</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">that freedom feels creepy weird</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">but this is level three:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
thanks and thankfulness<br />
and gratitude for whatever "wrong"<br />
was bestowed on you<br />
by another segment of God<br />
<br />
ah, God,<br />
well, hell,<br />
heaven<br />
<br />
let's play with God as a burst apart being<br />
and we are all pieces of Her, trying to get<br />
back together,<br />
and whatever "sin"<br />
someone gifted you with,<br />
was a piece of God, trying,<br />
in however an awful, ignorant, or half assed way,<br />
to reconnect with God<br />
as you<br />
<br />
So,<br />
it's like this:<br />
in this forgiveness,<br />
you would have paid the bad, bad person<br />
to do whatever they did<br />
<br />
why?<br />
<br />
you figure it out,<br />
you wouldn't believe me if I told you<br />
<br />
and you shouldn't believe me<br />
<br />
it's your experience that is<br />
A. your life<br />
B. your nourishment for enlightenment</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">stay in this experience</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">and feel your heart's way through this</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">new world:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">forgiveness as delight and you would have paid the</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">other person to</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">do</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">their bad bad "sin"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">really,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">this is some heavy lifting for the heart</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">and without it,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">sadly,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">life is misery</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">cheers,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">chris</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">
<br />
....<br />
you do want to be enlightened, don't you?</span>chris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-49556963735296997032014-06-18T08:39:00.002-07:002014-06-18T08:39:44.313-07:00Talking about Talk<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyv0nMBPT1WkWZBJGNiGr2sYcjMVykZVuNH2rGWQPbe9KmjJn9QAnsxVMGAC7Z7qQyUqGSaWlFS8NuL5E8z9jfZyCXz4aHBXG49Lp018857cEeJCbiOIUCq7CgMRvh9hubFg6mvlcgLYc/s1600/IMG_0104.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyv0nMBPT1WkWZBJGNiGr2sYcjMVykZVuNH2rGWQPbe9KmjJn9QAnsxVMGAC7Z7qQyUqGSaWlFS8NuL5E8z9jfZyCXz4aHBXG49Lp018857cEeJCbiOIUCq7CgMRvh9hubFg6mvlcgLYc/s1600/IMG_0104.JPG" height="380" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We are kinda crazy<br />
us humans<br />
<br />
we love to talk<br />
we love to connect<br />
<br />
and then<br />
when it doesn't happen<br />
<br />
we stop talking to the one<br />
we want to talk to<br />
because we can't talk<br />
as well<br />
or as easy<br />
or as magically<br />
or as honestly<br />
or as being present<br />
<br />
as we wish<br />
<br />
and hey<br />
<br />
you've got this game as part of<br />
<br />
Love and Sex Before Dinner<br />
<br />
the game:<br />
talk for 18 minutes<br />
<br />
each with 3 turns of 3 minutes<br />
<br />
each practicing listening<br />
from now<br />
from no words/ replies in the head<br />
from being present to our bodies<br />
<br />
this is good stuff<br />
<br />
....<br />
two days ago, I suggested using this golden<br />
opportunity<br />
of listening<br />
<br />
to <br />
talk about sex<br />
<br />
today I suggest<br />
using this golden<br />
opportunity<br />
of listening<br />
<br />
to talk about talk<br />
<br />
<br />
what are you having a hard time saying?<br />
<br />
when are you present and not present?<br />
<br />
what are your requests for what you'd like to hear more about?<br />
<br />
what are your requests for how your talking go<br />
<br />
not only now,<br />
in this magical zone<br />
<br />
but all day?<br />
<br />
and more,<br />
<br />
you can even do that fun<br />
game<br />
of talking<br />
in the<br />
moment<br />
<br />
about what your<br />
experience<br />
<br />
RIGHT NOW<br />
<br />
is of talking<br />
<br />
RIGHT NOW<br /><br />
<br />
it's pretty cool<br />
<br />
<br />
it's enlightenment in action, actually<br />
<br />
which is what relationships could ( ? should)<br />
be about<br />
<br />
</span>
<br />
cheers<br />
chrischris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-44729296004236492852014-06-17T08:30:00.002-07:002014-06-17T08:30:36.672-07:00touch without climax, come together, not to come, but to..... make love<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY_vIvYnYvBkcHIeUTjh6Zdr8Cffs_aOQYcGOLFc9NHU9CBfAwqXP24qcgAwiDubzdhZeM8zqDEYMROWa0W3kcQaNRLVe6J_Zaf4mo8k8ElVHwdVct2LEz2_Q8at2wG9I9mg8XuFC7d-8/s1600/IMG_2669.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY_vIvYnYvBkcHIeUTjh6Zdr8Cffs_aOQYcGOLFc9NHU9CBfAwqXP24qcgAwiDubzdhZeM8zqDEYMROWa0W3kcQaNRLVe6J_Zaf4mo8k8ElVHwdVct2LEz2_Q8at2wG9I9mg8XuFC7d-8/s1600/IMG_2669.JPG" height="370" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The ten minutes sex before dinner<br />
as much as possible<br />
should never end in climax<br />
<br />
that's why the ten minute<br />
naked make out<br />
is so valuable<br />
<br />
both are giving<br />
both are getting<br />
<br />
it's not genitally predominant<br />
<br />
it's oral<br />
<br />
it's tactile<br />
<br />
go do it</span>chris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-45620082777643987482014-06-16T08:22:00.002-07:002014-06-16T08:22:46.467-07:00Talk, talk about sex, listen, ask questions, learn<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzQQmpJZUweRtGW1KqleVQTTTeEBiODprVEGji7SPt-JcP0krJryep2nme33Y6QSzYFhrQ6EaErJYgu6FVAf6oiLOytYtm6F010mI4o8CSK9Sm5r0iaIigb6066RCzcop3VSslxJBCidQ/s1600/IMG_0967.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzQQmpJZUweRtGW1KqleVQTTTeEBiODprVEGji7SPt-JcP0krJryep2nme33Y6QSzYFhrQ6EaErJYgu6FVAf6oiLOytYtm6F010mI4o8CSK9Sm5r0iaIigb6066RCzcop3VSslxJBCidQ/s1600/IMG_0967.JPG" height="370" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">okay<br />
admit it<br />
<br />
you don't talk about sex<br />
<br />
you wish about it<br />
you might complaint about it<br />
or whine about it<br />
<br />
and so<br />
what?<br />
<br />
no one's perfect<br />
( remember the end of Some Like it Hot)<br />
<br />
<br />
and<br />
let's have this be one of the talk games:<br />
<br />
as you remember<br />
perhaps,<br />
<br />
as part of love and sex before dinner<br />
you are spending a grueling 18 minutes a day<br />
ACTUALLY TALKING TO &<br />
LISTENING TO<br />
YOUR PARTNER<br />
<br />
you talk 3 minutes, they listen,<br />
in the present,<br />
no interrupting<br />
<br />
they talk for 3 minutes,<br />
you listen<br />
in the present,<br />
no interrupting,<br />
and as<br />
much as possible, no words in your head (aka "thinking") about<br />
how you are going to respond<br />
<br />
back and forth,<br />
3 whole turns each<br />
18 minutes<br />
<br />
it seems so piddling<br />
<br />
and most partners talk less than this<br />
in a week<br />
except plans,<br />
day recitals,<br />
grumbles about work,<br />
blah blah<br />
<br />
so<br />
here's today:<br />
<br />
in your talk:<br />
<br />
tell what you like about your sex<br />
with your partner<br />
<br />
and<br />
talk about what more, or different<br />
that you'd like<br />
<br />
and respond<br />
(without thinking about it while<br />
they are talking)<br />
to whatever they say to you<br />
<br />
and even,<br />
curiosity being a component of love<br />
and the now,<br />
ask some questions in<br />
your turn<br />
</span>
<br />
enjoy<br />
<br />
chrischris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-84708010324271723372014-06-15T07:01:00.002-07:002014-06-15T07:01:44.745-07:00touch, dance, slow, kiss<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNLNnV7f1TANGnbxi5qZWIyDMvshnahS25HDY0W39TtkFPdl3AKsSP1qv78ErmILXN33P8XUcJ5dteYmOYEA_2Gbk2TFk-qjnOsAp9623KXfotizDpb69LJ0o4BTVKDMMN_0bqe76iKyI/s1600/DSCF2597.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNLNnV7f1TANGnbxi5qZWIyDMvshnahS25HDY0W39TtkFPdl3AKsSP1qv78ErmILXN33P8XUcJ5dteYmOYEA_2Gbk2TFk-qjnOsAp9623KXfotizDpb69LJ0o4BTVKDMMN_0bqe76iKyI/s1600/DSCF2597.JPG" height="369" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Alternating touch and talk,<br />
today is touch<br />
<br />
and<br />
let's dance<br />
<br />
let's keep this in the<br />
sex before dinner repertoire,<br />
<br />
which is really,<br />
sweet and juicy touch before dinner<br />
<br />
<br />
and today,<br />
or any day<br />
<br />
as part of your ten minutes of touch<br />
yum<br />
before dinner<br />
<br />
dance<br />
no music,<br />
keep the clothes on,<br />
so you'll get in the habit of dancing a lot<br />
<br />
and<br />
dance,<br />
slow,<br />
and hum to each other<br />
and<br />
kiss<br />
a lot<br />
<br />
that's it:<br />
<br />
slow,<br />
left right left right<br />
<br />
nothing fancy<br />
<br />
close<br />
<br />
hum<br />
<br />
kiss<br />
<br />
enjoy<br />
<br />
</span>
goodchris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-84366121368602965272014-06-14T10:18:00.000-07:002014-06-14T10:18:16.054-07:00Love, talk, mind reading..... .listen to what the inner other is saying..<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNmtGoghq4SE7hjYkl7oS2n-FJeyUkPa7nKnW5sp8L-uB6cUqLIZG8JCQTw-0QIwvQ2IcjrvV0Mn48FKWKE4CTI8qjDUwdjfAW5lfxiBI-M6-tC13vtCC23HiT7Icujxl6c8grJCXeREs/s1600/IMG_1005.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNmtGoghq4SE7hjYkl7oS2n-FJeyUkPa7nKnW5sp8L-uB6cUqLIZG8JCQTw-0QIwvQ2IcjrvV0Mn48FKWKE4CTI8qjDUwdjfAW5lfxiBI-M6-tC13vtCC23HiT7Icujxl6c8grJCXeREs/s1600/IMG_1005.JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Once upon a time<br />
we loved<br />
loved loved<br />
to discover<br />
what the other person was like<br />
<br />
how they were like us<br />
how they were different<br />
<br />
and then.<br />
<br />
<br />
blah blah<br />
<br />
you know the story:<br />
we get ourselves in a box<br />
and we put other people in a box<br />
and then<br />
oh, shit<br />
<br />
we have two boxes talking<br />
to each other<br />
<br />
so,<br />
let's have some fun in tonight's talking game<br />
<br />
<br />
watch this<br />
<br />
the first person that talks,<br />
just go for two minutes<br />
<br />
and the other listens, present and no interruption<br />
<br />
and here's the catch.<br />
<br />
<br />
the talker, tells what's going on in them<br />
at the deepest possible level<br />
<br />
but they tell it in gibberish<br />
<br />
<br />
Then the listener<br />
takes their turn guessing what the other person had to say<br />
<br />
and then they tell whatever they want to say,<br />
in gibberish<br />
<br />
<br />
Then:'<br />
the first person talks again,<br />
in gibberish,<br />
<br />
they can talk about how well the other guessed<br />
or<br />
what the other person missed,<br />
and this is all told in gibberish<br />
<br />
and back to the second:<br />
<br />
and here we go,<br />
the second<br />
shares their responses<br />
to what the guess was,<br />
or what their reaction was,<br />
or what more they want to say:<br />
<br />
<br />
and it's all in gibberish<br />
<br />
<br />
and go back and forth<br />
and then it's over<br />
<br />
and then have a ten minute<br />
naked make out<br />
<br />
and when are you going to figure out:<br />
<br />
if you "got it right?"<br />
<br />
I don't know.<br />
<br />
I'm inventing this as I go<br />
<br />
so,<br />
you invent this<br />
<br />
and there's the rest of the day:<br />
<br />
just talk gibberish,<br />
guess,<br />
and give feedback<br />
<br />
but in this Love section of the<br />
Love and Sex before dinner,<br />
no verbal shareback of the accuracy or not<br />
of the guessing intuition about your gibberish<br />
<br />
is this fun?<br />
<br />
you tell me,<br />
<br />
</span>
cheers<br />
chrischris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-43038163887632053862014-06-13T09:48:00.000-07:002014-06-13T09:48:11.526-07:00touch, slow, turns, requests, listening<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHq2xC2kGu8NCjrFyoS_aV2xOy2KXqw6lTqeO9fd6USB3KCtHQG3_OcunxCAA1BasfSUsFtRdydUuUgU9pM4xfphwvOCkOD8mAbm0QBLAyX04AunY7rk8UVcosQS9yEoRJCRVA2mU66w0/s1600/DSCF0242_2_2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHq2xC2kGu8NCjrFyoS_aV2xOy2KXqw6lTqeO9fd6USB3KCtHQG3_OcunxCAA1BasfSUsFtRdydUuUgU9pM4xfphwvOCkOD8mAbm0QBLAyX04AunY7rk8UVcosQS9yEoRJCRVA2mU66w0/s1600/DSCF0242_2_2.JPG" height="300" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anything in life can be improved<br />
by<br />
being present<br />
<br />
many a disaster can be forestalled or<br />
avoided<br />
by being present<br />
<br />
many/ all messes can be cleared up<br />
by slowing down<br />
and<br />
becoming present<br />
<br />
today,<br />
we're back to the touching before dinner<br />
<br />
ten minutes of making out<br />
or<br />
some<br />
sort of sex<br />
<br />
we'll let the sex be up in the air<br />
for awhile<br />
<br />
while you practice slowing down<br />
and taking turns<br />
<br />
taking turns,<br />
almost like the communication<br />
<br />
well,<br />
exactly like the communication<br />
but without any words<br />
<br />
you might want to spend more than ten minutes with this<br />
<br />
get your trusty timer<br />
<br />
one of you lie down<br />
and close your eyes<br />
<br />
the other is to touch you<br />
slowly<br />
not in the genitals,<br />
and yes<br />
anywhere else<br />
and everywhere else in your body<br />
<br />
for the first day,<br />
don't make any requests if you are the receiver while you are receiving<br />
<br />
play like this:<br />
<br />
first turn:<br />
<br />
one touches,<br />
the other feels<br />
<br />
the timer goes off<br />
<br />
the other one touches,<br />
the other feels<br />
<br />
second turn:<br />
<br />
no words of wishing anything different in the first round,<br />
but before each touching turn,<br />
the receiver is to ask:<br />
<br />
here is how I'd like to be touched ( firm, soft, tight, gentle, fast, slow, big movements, little movements) and here is where I'd like it to be concentrated<br />
<br />
the toucher can honor that, or not<br />
<br />
it seems kind of silly not to,<br />
but really, a request has to be really open<br />
if it's truly a request<br />
<br />
after,<br />
just a thank you,<br />
no evaluation<br />
<br />
and then swap around<br />
<br />
<br />
third turn:<br />
make a request before you receive, and for sure make in a different request,<br />
different place<br />
different modes of speed, pressure, length<br />
<br />
And then<br />
as many turns as you want,<br />
keep going back and forth,<br />
<br />
and each time ask for a new place<br />
and a new set of operating procedures<br />
<br />
....<br />
we get into such ruts<br />
in sex<br />
and<br />
in life<br />
<br />
and we ask so rarely for what we want<br />
<br />
and we are so worried that if we finally get on a good grove,<br />
going anywhere else will blow the whole scene apart<br />
<br />
touch is talking<br />
receiving touch is listening<br />
<br />
have the final turn,<br />
if you wish,<br />
no requests,<br />
but just let the toucher be trying to tell the receiver<br />
something<br />
<br />
let the communication be quite<br />
and skin level<br />
<br />
see what happens<br />
feel what happens<br />
<br />
don't talk for awhile after this,<br />
so if this is to be combined with a talking session before dinner,<br />
do the talking session first</span>
<br />
goodchris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-10118644421742272102014-06-12T08:27:00.000-07:002014-06-12T08:27:28.420-07:00How can I love you better, 3?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2HChqrEjQtIaBH5M2XTuk-GW5KOnAslPlLUvaIYiqwt1VkOKNUxhJAadU9lqrsj0tChWzTmGskLEcrdB7rJoB1TsWb5az__AazerryyvBWdhF5MGLR1HNkzJDuatwHEOY715TnnXjccA/s1600/IMG_3443.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2HChqrEjQtIaBH5M2XTuk-GW5KOnAslPlLUvaIYiqwt1VkOKNUxhJAadU9lqrsj0tChWzTmGskLEcrdB7rJoB1TsWb5az__AazerryyvBWdhF5MGLR1HNkzJDuatwHEOY715TnnXjccA/s1600/IMG_3443.JPG" height="340" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">How can I love you better?<br />
<br />
Ask.<br />
<br />
How can I love you better?<br />
<br />
Okay: is this what you mean?<br />
<br />
If not, could you tell me again, please?<br />
<br />
Can we be specific: what do you want me to do differently?<br />
<br />
What are the actions you'll like me to take in reality?<br />
<br />
Can I tell you why a few of those would be very hard for me?<br />
<br />
Can we explore ways I can do everything you want and still take care of what's hard for me?<br />
<br />
What do you really want?<br />
<br />
What is the deeper level of what you really want?<br />
<br />
What can we do right now to begin to shift things?<br />
<br />
What can we do later tonight to shift things?<br />
<br />
What are you feeling and sensing in the present?<br />
<br />
What am I feeling and sensing in the present?<br />
<br />
What can I do right now, to help you shift whatever you'd like to shift?<br />
<br />
What else do you want to tell me?</span>
<br />
<br />chris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-81887703518583860672014-06-11T08:36:00.000-07:002014-06-11T08:36:39.240-07:00ten minute make out as chance for the power of Slow, Connect & Discover<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEianvgkEgpMyq6IhJW6xdliHxNvvz0_nvBYgX2gC6Z2rk3tTGKosV2A4f4lrIEPqCK6duKsoaHnLCAZXGo48QkpWHlgEEW1teJJ6SUZw6B18KeDE4qjDx5_EJHqIbmrcF4MDok4pfw5Lz4/s1600/DSCF0163.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEianvgkEgpMyq6IhJW6xdliHxNvvz0_nvBYgX2gC6Z2rk3tTGKosV2A4f4lrIEPqCK6duKsoaHnLCAZXGo48QkpWHlgEEW1teJJ6SUZw6B18KeDE4qjDx5_EJHqIbmrcF4MDok4pfw5Lz4/s1600/DSCF0163.JPG" height="360" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Slow, Connect, Discover<br />
<br />
I help people to<br />
SLOW down<br />
and<br />
CONNECT deeply to themselves<br />
so that they can<br />
<br />
DISCOVER<br />
<br />
Ease, grace, youthfulness, delight and pleasure<br />
<br />
in<br />
MOVEMENT and<br />
LIFE<br />
<br />
<br />
And you gentle reader<br />
in your ten minute make out<br />
<br />
this is your job<br />
<br />
SLOW down the kissing<br />
and the touching<br />
and even the breathing<br />
<br />
perhaps say what you are feeling as sensation<br />
perhaps go even slower than you think is slow<br />
<br />
and<br />
pay attention to how the<br />
CONNECTING<br />
is happening<br />
<br />
moment by moment<br />
<br />
and in each moment see what you can<br />
DISCOVER<br />
<br />
about a new direction, pressure, stopping, starting, shifting<br />
<br />
that would make<br />
your make out<br />
<br />
more<br />
pleasurable, graceful, delightful, youthful<br />
<br />
you know<br />
<br />
just plain old<br />
<br />
divine<br />
<br />
</b></span>
cheers,<br />
chrischris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-7857149228174298792014-06-10T08:25:00.002-07:002014-06-10T08:26:15.390-07:00How Can I love you more, 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwhA4YE68NHJjKfAzck5-vXeZY6h2QOexb9aF7GLy60AIMwco1WjM8Bg5daXsSY3MPO_0zjifk5aQg4a0hl7Q6geJjS8OFKqSk72M1cdwv2BcPSb5VELLeXXVCPb0J_yNYdlzBzUohTPM/s1600/DSCF0132.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwhA4YE68NHJjKfAzck5-vXeZY6h2QOexb9aF7GLy60AIMwco1WjM8Bg5daXsSY3MPO_0zjifk5aQg4a0hl7Q6geJjS8OFKqSk72M1cdwv2BcPSb5VELLeXXVCPb0J_yNYdlzBzUohTPM/s1600/DSCF0132.JPG" height="360" width="500" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">How can I love you more? Part 2</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">( these are, the improve love and sex posts, being published in</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="http://loveandsexbeforedinner.blogspot.com/">http://Loveandsexbeforedinner.blogspot.com</a>)<br />
<br />
One: take the time.<br />
<br />
that's what the twenty minutes before dinner is about<br />
and that's not to top limit. you can talk for hours if you want<br />
<br />
Two:<br />
be present<br />
<br />
we get lost in our stories of<br />
how another person should have been<br />
<br />
in the present<br />
we can at least report:<br />
this is my sensation<br />
this is my emotion<br />
and<br />
then go into the song and dance if we have to<br />
<br />
Three:<br />
Listen<br />
<br />
that's what the timer game of you talk for three minutes<br />
while your partner is non interrupting and preent<br />
and they talk for three and you return the favot<br />
<br />
and<br />
here's a new twist:<br />
Four:<br />
Ask<br />
<br />
Take 3 or 4 minute turns,<br />
ask a question,<br />
listen to the answer<br />
do not comment on or respond to the answer<br />
just<br />
ask another question<br />
<br />
ask questions and listen to answers until the timer runs out the time<br />
<br />
Ask deeper and deeper questions:<br />
<br />
How are you feeling?<br />
<br />
Upset.<br />
<br />
Would you please tell me about it?<br />
<br />
I don't feel that we are working very well as a couple.<br />
<br />
Could you tell me a couple of ways that seems true to you?<br />
<br />
......<br />
<br />
What would you like to see changed?<br />
<br />
How are you feeling as you say this?<br />
<br />
What would you like me to do differently?<br />
<br />
How do you think you could change?<br />
<br />
And so on...<br />
<br />
<br />
Asking good questions takes awhile.<br />
<br />
Love takes awhile.<br />
<br />
We think ( imagine) that with the right chemistry and going out to dinner enough and drinking enough wine everything is going to be fine<br />
<br />
If your robot matches theirs, it might<br />
<br />
otherwise.<br />
if you want love<br />
you gots to put in your time<br />
<br />
and asking questions<br />
and listening<br />
in the present<br />
<br />
to the answers<br />
<br />
and then asking a caring and curious next question<br />
<br />
this is how we can "make" love<br />
<br />
with our clothes on<br />
</span>
<br />
<br />
goodchris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-6472315463671388902014-06-09T08:29:00.000-07:002014-06-09T08:29:01.440-07:00How can I love you more?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8Mi4w6C0OILdJZcP5eiYHWFSOw_jlbkqa-p5NC8ciquw-gqqpIDh_r2kadJ7KVBCj5Oxn4w1jemhLtDe6lNEYppNjluRlazFIvI1kZsA8rT8shFEstJmL6jJFjHLTydOL2CldtWzk0ZY/s1600/IMG_3183.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8Mi4w6C0OILdJZcP5eiYHWFSOw_jlbkqa-p5NC8ciquw-gqqpIDh_r2kadJ7KVBCj5Oxn4w1jemhLtDe6lNEYppNjluRlazFIvI1kZsA8rT8shFEstJmL6jJFjHLTydOL2CldtWzk0ZY/s1600/IMG_3183.JPG" height="600" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Touch and Talk<br />
<br />
Talk and Touch<br />
<br />
that's the program<br />
and it seems so simple<br />
and<br />
it's<br />
not<br />
<br />
so let's say in the talk you want<br />
to help things<br />
be better<br />
<br />
the vibe, the feeling, the overtone of your relationship hasn't been so great lately<br />
and you want it to change<br />
<br />
so what to do<br />
<br />
talk<br />
talk with the timer<br />
<br />
talk about what you want<br />
<br />
talk about what you are afraid to say<br />
<br />
talk about your guess as to what's going on in the other person<br />
<br />
this is a lot<br />
<br />
this is gold<br />
<br />
this is why relationships<br />
<br />
if taken as paths to awakening<br />
are so<br />
very<br />
wonder<br />
ful<br />
and valuable<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
what you want vs. your complaint<br />
<br />
what you are afraid to talk about, vs what's wrong with them<br />
<br />
guessing what's going on in them, and make sure it's not an insulting guess<br />
<br />
what are the fears and worries and prior woundings that are going on in them?<br />
<br />
discover what you can<br />
</span>
enjoy<br />
<br />
<br />chris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9223030719671626267.post-41930112544927867012014-06-08T06:54:00.002-07:002014-06-08T06:54:39.094-07:00Awakened relationship, #7 in Love and Sex Before Dinner<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Two people get together<br />
<br />
they are lonely<br />
or<br />
they are open<br />
or<br />
they are lucky<br />
<br />
and, anyway,<br />
they decide to open up to the charm<br />
of a new being<br />
<br />
someone who is different than them<br />
<br />
if they are unlucky<br />
they get off to a bang sexually<br />
( and I won't go into that until ten or twenty<br />
chapters down the line)<br />
<br />
but let's say this:<br />
touch is crucial<br />
<br />
they need to hold hands<br />
they<br />
need to kiss<br />
<br />
and the important thing is<br />
....<br />
<br />
if they are lucky,<br />
they wake up to the miracle<br />
<br />
the miracle<br />
<br />
the miracle<br />
<br />
I am alive<br />
in this moment<br />
<br />
and they share that with the other<br />
person<br />
<br />
and the other person:<br />
yes, I am alive in this moment<br />
<br />
he: I am alive in this moment<br />
I am excited and awake<br />
to being here with you<br />
<br />
she: I am alive in this moment<br />
I can feel my life<br />
and can feel us sharing this<br />
moment<br />
<br />
and so on<br />
<br />
....<br />
time passes<br />
they come together<br />
<br />
they have good days,<br />
whoopie<br />
<br />
they have stressful days,<br />
and here's the rub<br />
<br />
in the stress they can<br />
be either mindful,<br />
which is to say:<br />
aware of the miracle<br />
<br />
I am alive<br />
and I am feeling stress<br />
and I want to lash out<br />
but what I am really feeling is..<br />
sad about ..<br />
afraid about...<br />
worried about...<br />
incompetent about...<br />
<br />
mindful<br />
and we can be free to explore what's bothering us<br />
<br />
mindless<br />
we have to default<br />
to whatever our programing is<br />
<br />
which is usually what<br />
Ma<br />
and<br />
Pa<br />
did when they were under stress<br />
<br />
which usually looked like<br />
blame<br />
or avoidance<br />
or<br />
manipulation<br />
or<br />
whatever<br />
<br />
who cares,<br />
that's why so many therapists stay so busy<br />
<br />
bad Ma and Pa training<br />
<br />
and<br />
you can therapize forever<br />
and<br />
have all the insight in the world<br />
<br />
and if you aren't present<br />
to yourself<br />
and your partner<br />
when the stress comes on<br />
<br />
you are going to be mindless<br />
<br />
which means<br />
Ma<br />
and Pa<br />
stuff<br />
<br />
and it's not any more complicated than that<br />
<br />
and it's the whole world<br />
of difference<br />
<br />
freedom in mindfulness<br />
<br />
slavery to conditioned/ robot responses<br />
in mindlessness<br />
<br />
this sounds kind or sermonesque<br />
<br />
sorry,<br />
that's my father's righteous robot<br />
<br />
and<br />
hey,<br />
it can be a game,<br />
<br />
the let me catch my robot and<br />
admit it game<br />
<br />
and then,<br />
fingers touching the keyboard,<br />
birds singing and cooing out the window<br />
breath in and out<br />
<br />
and I'm back<br />
home<br />
to now<br />
<br />
how about<br />
YOU?<br />
</span>
<br />
cheers<br />
Chrischris elmshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14693928904474520561noreply@blogger.com0