Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Making Love and Talking to God, what a treat!!

a cashier at Whole Foods
was reading a book while waiting
for someone
to arrive

I thought is charming
and asked about the book

Hermetic philosophy

Lay a ;piece of wisdom on me, please
I asked

He thumbs through,
excited and a little on the spot

He says that everything is God
mumble, mumble

and that's plenty for me

I stick out my hand
"Let's shake."

He does.

"Hi, God. My name is God,
pleased to meet you."

It takes a moment,
then he lights up,
"Yeah that's it."

We chat a bit more and then when I leave
I say,
"So long , God."
he says,
"See ya, God."

A nice way to start the day, gentle
reader, aka

And you, in your love and sex before dinner, how about that as a way to see your partner before each time you speak. 

Or while you make love, make make out, make any of the other stuff, which I'm having a bit of trouble writing about. But it will come to me or not.

And meanwhile, you God, look upon your mate as God, and see what happens.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Deep listening, how to save your marriage

This is for when you really want to get to
the juice of the two of you

Give yourself about 40 minutes
get the timer

take 5 minute turns, and as the talking progresses
go up to 6 and 7 minutes

take your time

go slow

say the truth:
I don't know what to say
I want to impress you

this is what I heard you say
this is what I feel you feeling
this is what I guess you want
this is what I want

this is how I feel in my body when I talk
this is what this reminds me of

I wish you could see this about me

And any
anything that comes up

don't talk

eye contact
follow your breathing and the talker's
feel your heart
feel into their feelings

listen for what they are trying to say

notice your defenses,
notice what you want to jump in with

shut up

don't prepare what to say

don't work on remembering what they said

just listen,
look in the eyes
hear the tone
hear their heart
hear their body
hear their life


when the timer goes off
rest a little
both in silence
before the other talks

talk about what you feel in the present
talk about what you felt in your body when the other was talking
talk about what you feel in your body when you say "hard" things to say

admit this a lot:
"This is hard to say, and...."
then say it

be honored when your partner says hard stuff to say
that means they trust you

hear why it's hard
hear their courage





Tuesday, July 1, 2014

positivity resonance.... do it or die

I set out on June 2 to write a blog a day
of great use in the world I am interesting in helping people create

the world of

Love and Sex Before Dinner

If you go to that blog, you'll find a daily offering,
but somehow I don't feel like it's a coherent whole

And that's good

Failure is the path to success
and Happiness is one of the few indicators
that we are on the right path

And so today,
I'm going to start over in a way,

and see what a post every day in July will be like,
with a strict alternation between love and sex
which really means,
talk and touch

except that it's not really going to be that,
because it's going to be about freedom and happiness
and so

the rotation is going to be
talk and touch day
talk day
touch day

I reference you to this much of the interview in Sun Magazine,
to which I'd highly highly recommend that you all subscribe:


In that interview this is revealed from Frederickson's research:

“a lack of positivity resonance is, in fact, more damaging to your health than smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol excessively, or being obese.”

this is good news

IF we have positivity resonance in our lives

Which means:

small moments of pleasurable connection with another person,
in person

face to face

( not necessarily bodily pleasure, but more like a happy wish to smile and enjoyment of another's company)

And touch helps this.

Not sexual touch today,
just touch touch

And today's game is this:

in the framework of talking 3 minutes at a time,
with a timer

and not interrupting when the other is talking

and being present to your breathing and
to the reality
you are going to die
this other person is going to die
pay attention to yourself and them
your breathing and their breathing

then you talk for 3 minutes

each person has 3 turns

18 minutes

a couple that can do this can

a couple that doesn't
it won't be as wonderful
may well be a mess

and touch?

hold hands
while doing this

that's all


do this every day
for ten days
or email
how this went

email to the right


Monday, June 30, 2014

touch or starve

Can you have a good marriage
and not
like touching your partner?'

This seems like
code blue
to me.

This is a place where
you could and should do daily
to get
the warmth
and miracle that comes
from touch

into your life
and nervous system

without it....

you are going to starve

Sunday, June 29, 2014


our feet are as far from our heads as we can get

many a person, perhaps even you, has realized that
being in our heads
think think think

is a way that often avoids life, love and connection

( yeah, yeah, there are problems
to be solved

when they are there to be solved

and then....

what about the rest of the time)

here's a game for today

put your attention as full
as possible

on sensing both feet

while you read this
while you do the next thing
while you talk
while you think

and especially
when you are interacting with your partner

in your half hour of love and sex before dinner

in the talking
in the ten minute naked makeout
in sex that is two way
in sex that is one way

in all of these

with joy and humor

to have attention
on three places:

your feet
your heart
your breathing

if sex is involved,
then my all means enjoy your genitals
and mouths
and tongues

oh, yeah:

and look into each other's eyes
in all the activities
except the one way sex

ha, what a nice

don't forget

dive in
feet first

Friday, June 27, 2014

Waking up, F,,, ing, Happiness, Positivity Resonance, part one

Sex is good

almost always

and sex

it's good for touch
it's goof for giving and getting at the same time

it's good for shutting down the mind,

it's good for realizing
that we aren't alone,

it's good for

for giving


and it's a mess

it creates a pleasure that is rare
because almost all the rest of life
is lived
out of
the present

out of
with the moment

out of sensing
paying attention

that's the wake the f..... up

how can we
sense full time

touch a lot with all the boundary stuff
and still:

everyone is dying for hugs and even hand holding

paying attention:

positive attention

how many people
can we be around

and like
and let them know

non verbally

that we like them

( I know this sad, sad community,
supposedly into improving love,
that is obsessed with fear
and with giving "adjustments" to each


they give themselves so much extra work,

even though they have a non drug drug
to alleviate the pain
they are constantly encouraging)

f..... to wake up

like this:

have good sex

then have a great talk

about the simple joys of life

what you like

in that moment

not what you liked in the sex

that is over

what you like

this now


this one

if you are in a room with another person,
go tell them something you like
about them
and that you like about being alive

and that you like about yourself

see July, http://sunmagazine.org,
it's not online yet, but subscribe,
you won't regret it,
and the interview this month is amazing.
on "positivity resonance"

which is the best food for health and happiness

it's love
in little chunks

as often as possible,

you'll see,
read it, this interview,
then read it again,

i'll be blogging about it for a couple of weeks

get the print edition , too

no ads
beautiful black and white photos


go for it


Thursday, June 26, 2014

Two people, going present, then asking.....

Two people sit together

they agree to be present for the whole twenty minutes they
are going to talk

this isn't a timer discussion,
there is a commitment to wait, a nice long time
while listening to the other,
in case they have a little more to say

And you
are going to

and be present

and wait for a question

a question that is important,

or a question that is fueled with curiosity

or a question
that is waiting in the room for one of you to discover

admit to the room
admit to yourselves that it wants to be asked
"wants" to be asked

and as you wait,
be present
to yourself
in gravity
yourself in air,

be present to the other person
especially their eyes and their smile,
or not yet smile

( sooner or later, if you are telling the truth
and asking the truth

a smile will come)

pay attention to the heart that is beating
inside your chest

and then ask your important question

always this way:

both of you are going to answer it.

So you don't ask:

"Do you love me?"

You ask, "How is your love for me going? What's easy about it, and what's hard?"

And then you both have to answer.




Admitting the other into your inner world

Admitting you don't know it all

And, as set up above:

Wait a long time, for them to find one or two or three more
aspects they might want to avoid in a certain way

Wait a long time in the silence when they are really done.

don't start till you've gotten quiet and heard what they had to say.

Then give your answer.

if you want,
after that, what you can do, is take turns saying,
"What I got about you from what I heard you say, was..."

Or, you could put that before the second person answers the question.

It's not important.

Sharing what's deep is.


Whoever came up with the first question, the other person comes up with the next one.