a cashier at Whole Foods
was reading a book while waiting
for someone
me
to arrive
I thought is charming
and asked about the book
Hermetic philosophy
Lay a ;piece of wisdom on me, please
I asked
He thumbs through,
excited and a little on the spot
Here:
He says that everything is God
mumble, mumble
and that's plenty for me
I stick out my hand
"Let's shake."
He does.
"Hi, God. My name is God,
pleased to meet you."
It takes a moment,
then he lights up,
"Yeah that's it."
We chat a bit more and then when I leave
I say,
"So long , God."
and
he says,
"See ya, God."
A nice way to start the day, gentle
reader, aka
God.
And you, in your love and sex before dinner, how about that as a way to see your partner before each time you speak.
Or while you make love, make make out, make any of the other stuff, which I'm having a bit of trouble writing about. But it will come to me or not.
And meanwhile, you God, look upon your mate as God, and see what happens.
This is for when you really want to get to
the juice of the two of you
Give yourself about 40 minutes
get the timer
take 5 minute turns, and as the talking progresses
go up to 6 and 7 minutes
take your time
really
talker:
go slow
say the truth:
I don't know what to say
I want to impress you
this is what I heard you say
this is what I feel you feeling
this is what I guess you want
this is what I want
this is how I feel in my body when I talk
this is what this reminds me of
I wish you could see this about me
And any
any
anything that comes up
Listener:
don't talk
eye contact
follow your breathing and the talker's
feel your heart
feel into their feelings
listen for what they are trying to say
notice your defenses,
notice what you want to jump in with
shut up
inside
don't prepare what to say
don't work on remembering what they said
just listen,
look in the eyes
hear the tone
hear their heart
hear their body
hear their life
listen
when the timer goes off
rest a little
both in silence
before the other talks
talk about what you feel in the present
talk about what you felt in your body when the other was talking
talk about what you feel in your body when you say "hard" things to say
admit this a lot:
"This is hard to say, and...."
then say it
listener:
be honored when your partner says hard stuff to say
that means they trust you
hear why it's hard
hear their courage
listen
listen
listen
.....
good
I set out on June 2 to write a blog a day
of great use in the world I am interesting in helping people create
the world of
Love and Sex Before Dinner
If you go to that blog, you'll find a daily offering,
but somehow I don't feel like it's a coherent whole
And that's good
Failure is the path to success
and Happiness is one of the few indicators
that we are on the right path
And so today,
I'm going to start over in a way,
and see what a post every day in July will be like,
with a strict alternation between love and sex
which really means,
talk and touch
except that it's not really going to be that,
because it's going to be about freedom and happiness
and so
the rotation is going to be
a
talk and touch day
a
talk day
and
a
touch day
I reference you to this much of the interview in Sun Magazine,
to which I'd highly highly recommend that you all subscribe:
INTERVIEW WITH BARBARA FREDERICKSON
ON LOVE AS DAILY SMALL AND REAL DOSES OF
POSITIVE CONNECTION
In that interview this is revealed from Frederickson's research:
“a lack of positivity resonance is, in fact, more damaging to your health than smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol excessively, or being obese.”
this is good news
IF we have positivity resonance in our lives
Which means:
small moments of pleasurable connection with another person,
in person
face to face
( not necessarily bodily pleasure, but more like a happy wish to smile and enjoyment of another's company)
And touch helps this.
Not sexual touch today,
just touch touch
And today's game is this:
in the framework of talking 3 minutes at a time,
with a timer
and not interrupting when the other is talking
and being present to your breathing and
to the reality
that
you are going to die
and
this other person is going to die
pay attention to yourself and them
and
your breathing and their breathing
and
then you talk for 3 minutes
each person has 3 turns
18 minutes
a couple that can do this can
thrive
a couple that doesn't
ah,
it won't be as wonderful
and
may well be a mess
and touch?
hold hands
while doing this
that's all
and....
do this every day
for ten days
comment,
or email
how this went
email to the right
cheers,
chrsi
